Ode to the Sky

I don’t think I really have the right to talk about it, considering that for these past two years I have been putting NEWS in the background and have not made them a priority nor a driving motivation compared to my early years in the fandom i.e. 2011. Also I have branched off to other interests which may have weakened my attachment to them, but I would like to think that through this “self-detachment”, I could actually have an objective perception of things and not be too blinded by emotions. Either way though, I feel the need to talk this one out, mainly because this issue is affecting me on personal, social, and mental levels, despite not having been emotionally invested in them recently.

I have this to say though: if you plan to know which stand I am really on, you should probably be ready to read this entire entry. My stance is not black and white: it is just a shade of gray, and I can't even tell you how light or dark it is. From my last entry you should be able to know how much I feel about Tegoshi as an artist, but in this one you will know how I feel about Tegoshi as a person. So this can be a semi-rant, but I will definitely try hard to express what I feel as rationally and objectively as possible, after watching his press conference last night, and based on people's translations (since there's Japanese legal jargon and stuff).

SNS DECISION

I will be muting all words relating to Tegoshi and his works, and for now I've even resorted to blocking his account because he keeps on appearing in my feed as QRTs (I don't follow him).
I will be muting anyone who will be commenting a lot about him and his activities.
You are free to block or unfollow me as you see fit. I will try my best not to let go of poisonous comments regarding him, but just in case. Please, you don't have to inform me explicitly you have blocked, muted or unfollowed me. I will figure it out.
If any positive news about Tegoshi pops up that you feel essential in me changing my mind about him, please feel free to mention me. I would welcome that.
But for now the pain is still fresh and I still cannot bear seeing an abundance of his existence on my feed. I am truly, deeply sorry.
Please let me heal, and one day, in due time, I hope I can find myself the strength to finally forgive and forget everything.

I guess everyone who has been following the tour already know how the final show made headlines. I won't be commenting much about Tegoshi's issues e.g. scandals, but as we all know and admit by now, the recent events did play a major part in his drastic behavior during the shows. I did mention in my last concert report how he wasn't acting like his usual "idol" self i.e. the annoying, prankster, spoiled brat self he always puts on not only on tour documentaries, but also on tv. As sad as it was, this tour allowed us to see a side of him we very rarely see, and for that Neverland will always remain a memorable live for me.

I flew to Tokyo days before the concert so that I could spend those days travelling with my best friend to some of the nearby prefectures. But on the Saturday before the concert, I was quite pissed because we had met with a previous student and since the catch-up conversations dragged on for so long, we were only able to finish at 2 in the morning. Very obviously, the trains had stopped running by this time, so my best friend and I had to go walk all the way from Shimbashi to Bakurocho. I didn't even know why I didn't have the guts to call a taxi, for heaven's sake. In the end we arrived in our hostel at 3, and my feet were so sore I could barely walk straight, much more take a shower and change. So it was no wonder that I woke up with my entire body feeling sore at around 8. We had to wake up earlier than usual because we were to hear mass at Yotsuya and I had to prep myself for the concert before going. In the end I had to go back to the hostel anyway because 1) it looked like it was about to rain and I forgot my umbrella; 2) the escalator "ate" my pants so I had to clean them up a bit, and; 3) the humidity rendered my hair useless so I had to go fix it again, and put on the concert accessories I had forgotten. Though feeling a bit angry at myself, I soon cheered up the moment I was on my way to the venue - because you know, I'm seeing NEWS.

Personally I have to say, during this tour I was happy I was able to meet more friends and even make new ones! From the I arrived at the dome about 15:30, I was swamped left and right with Line / Twitter messages to the point that my Line application crashed and I had to resort to messaging / mentioning people on Twitter so that I could tell them where I was. We took a lot of pictures, talked about a lot of stuff, fangirled over some moments and squealed over how each of us looked cute and how we were all prepped for the concert.

At last it was time for us to go into the dome, and so we went our separate ways. This was where we were seated, near the entrance of Gate 20.

From the very start of the concert I kept on warning the friend beside me that I would be crying like hell, since I've heard that Koyama and Massu were crying the day before - the former during Full Swing, and the latter during U R Not Alone.

Oh, but even with this knowledge in hand, and even though I braced myself, nothing prepared me for the waterworks that would happen in the next three hours.

Absolutely nothing.

There is no doubt that NEVERLAND is an emotional tour for 4nin NEWS - perhaps the second (or third) most emotional one after Utsukushii Koi ni Suru Yo and the 10th anniversary tour.

For these past few months, NEWS had encountered so many setbacks, mostly happening to KoyaTego. Of course, there was also that incident with Shige's loss of voice, but perhaps the biggest thing that had hit them were the LINE scandals. Both KoyaTego's LINE accounts had been hacked and exposed, and with this loss of confidentiality, they have earned the ire of many antis, but not without reason. Both accounts had revealed the existence of girls in their private time, and for Tegoshi there was also that issue of him giving away "free" concert tickets. While these issues raised some valid points, the contrasting way KoyaTego handled these were quite interesting to see. Koyama had preferred to stay silent, but Tegoshi took to explain things both on jweb and in public (he apologized to people during one of the shows). Regardless, there is no doubt that these scandals had affected both members, and that there were a few people who have taken this offense very seriously, like the anon discussion forms, or reports of hate uchiwas being brought to the shows.

And now that the tour is over, these are my personal thoughts, especially in regards to my personal life.

If you actually managed to read all this way, I apologize for the extremely long concert report, lol. Otsukare for getting this far, and thank you! See you for the next live.