Some things are meant to be reborn.
Hi, I'm Hima, formerly sakura_041888 , and this is my new journal. You might wonder why I have changed usernames after three/four years, and frankly I've been wondering myself ^^ anyway, I have given thought to this for some time now, and after a little bit of tweaking around with Photoshop and Picasa, I have managed to get myself a new LJ account, somehow.
As of October 17, 2011, this blog will be half-public, half-private. Posts done in public will be punctuated with the Japanese word ヒミツ ("himitsu") and will mostly consist of my essays. Posts done in private will be marked with ミツル ("mitsuru") and will mostly consist of RL and private stuff.
So. I'm always welcome to add new friends, particularly those who have same interests as mine - let's say for example, writing stuff like essays, reading novels, travel, a little bit of photography, and of course animanga. I just tend to get over-enthusiastic at times, and my writing style might drive you off (hopefully not), but I hope we can still be best of friends online. It would be a plus if we have the same interests! (For that, please go to my profile page.)
So please do leave a comment if you want to be friends - don't worry I don't bite - and we'll see what we can do together, won't we? :)
Oh, and layout credit goes to refuted. Banner and layout background both belong to my good imouto saikakudeshou . The gorgeous Shigeaki Kato scan on this semi-friends only post is by inala. Double Art mood icons are mine courtesy of Double Arts and Komi Naoshi, and credit for the Katekyo Hitman Reborn mood icons goes to nanabbang and Akira Amano's KHR. :))
I won't deny the fact that 2016 has been a very trying year, both physically and emotionally. The positive thing about it I guess is the fact that I have been distracted well enough to keep a mental breakdown at bay. In between wavering feelings, placement transfers and work environment changes, I had somehow kept myself afloat and held on to whatever sanity I had left. Despite stumbling awkwardly over some roadblocks, I learned some things - something I can at least be grateful for.
Points in brief bullets:
- Most of the team has been replaced and work dynamics have changed so much. I would say that this year has been the most turbulent for me due to the work environment... but it seems safe for now. Also, I got offered a leader position, but I am still learning the ropes and I haven't been given a lot of responsibility, so I still don't feel like anything has changed. I'm not complaining, though.
- Finally moved from Yamaguchi to Hiroshima. I had to get used to three new schools and to my new home as well. For now my schools are great; the kids are okay (though I still miss my Yamaguchi kids terribly) and my JTs are awesome. Here's hoping the pace will continue and they won't turn into bloody little monsters...
- Traveled a bit more this year - went to more concert shows and spent more money trying to get around places along the way. I made the most out of Golden Week, Obon and Christmas break by going to more tourist spots, and I haven't been disappointed. But of course, my money evaporated into thin air as always... no regrets there, though.
- On matters of the heart, I made drastic steps that didn't turn out well, but I have no regrets there as well.
No resolutions for 2017, but recently I have been thinking of doing some extra stuff to do, e.g. enroll myself in online courses and try getting a license, take some certification tests, or finally enroll in a gym and try to lose weight. It's still a bit farfetched though, as I know myself better and think that doing all of these is next to impossible. But we'll see if I can get to tick those things off my list at the end of the year.
The biggest realization about 2016 for me however, is me coming to realize how short life can be. In the last two months of the year - and even right now, to be honest - I've lost friends and relatives. It still feels surreal, to be honest. It feels weird to think again so consciously about life and death after such a long time.Maybe that's why recently I've found myself caring less about trivial things, and trying to do things that make me happy.
I'm not sure what 2017 will bring, but I can only hope I will manage to fulfill all my inner desires and not regret anything. It's going to be a long road, but hopefully I will gradually get there.
P.S. I'm writing this at a very critical time, so today's entry is a bit messy. I could have just postponed writing of course, but I don't want to do it because there's a very big chance I will become lazy and postpone it indefinitely, so yeah... but I'll be fine. I just need to overcome this.
I want someone to choose me.
Someone who'll say "it's a good thing you're here."
I want to be accepted.
I wonder if that's a luxury?
Everyone wants to be needed by someone.
But... it doesn't go well.
Gradually giving up on various emotions...
Laughing it off when you want to cry...
That's how I might be living.
Continuing to love someone sincerely might be a terribly difficult thing.
You can't change how someone feels, but
you're the one holding the steering wheel on your life.
- Moriyama Mikuri
Nigeru wa Haji da ga Yaku ni Tatsu, episodes 1 and 8 -
( 恋をしたに君へ )
This year's tour finale is special to me in a lot of ways. Aside from my best friend who flew in all the way from my hometown to see me, I also had the chance to finally go to a NEWS concert with Filipino fans who were also from my hometown, both first-time concert goers. The pain in participating for the final, however, was slightly reminiscent of my very first NEWS concert last year, because like back then, I had done sightseeing for the first half of the day and ended up limping quite a bit when I got to the dome. This tour also gave me the opportunity to meet other fans who I interact only on Twitter and/or Line, so it was quite moving to see them at the dome.
So anyway, here's my report! Pic-heavy as usual and some other stuff. :D
( [2016.06.12] Tokyo Dome, 18:00, Tour Final )
And there you have it, my I-planned-this-to-be-short-but-it-ended-
For White I had made an uchiwa but wasn't lucky enough to get spotted. For Quartetto in Fukuoka I only managed to bring along the one I made for the Arashi Japonism tour. With work and all
I had a bunch of uchiwa ideas swirling in my head days before, but they all ended up forgotten the moment I decided to make an uchiwa for real ("Massu, you have a character though!" being one of them inspired from Hen Rabo's fourth episode). All I remember was a friend's uchiwa from last year about NEWS as strawberries... so I kind of stole that idea and started drawing a huge strawberry. And so this happened.
( [2016.05.29] Hiroshima Green Arena, 16:00 )
It was raining in Hiroshima, so as you can imagine it was quite a bit of a burden trying to bring an umbrella along with the luggage. Didn't help that the coin lockers were all full thanks to tourists + fangirls. Even with the rain, most of the fans still managed to put effort into their concert attire! And reasoning out that we were supposed to be really quite close, my friend handed me two more uchiwas with マ and ス on them (they were part of a four-uchiwa message that spelt out テゴマス), plus a pair of sunglasses with the same kana letters.
We got into the venue around 20 or so minutes before the concert started, and to our amazement we were only four rows from the main stage! Armed with now four uchiwas held back-to-back マス pair, my strawberry one, and Massu's Quartetto uchiwa), we awaited the show.
The setlist is still the same as the one for Fukuoka. I won't be giving a lot of detail here, as most of them were already in my Fukuoka concert report. Most of the new details are found in this show's MC. Please take this report with a grain of salt, as always.
Same with the other prior shows, NEWS didn't have a double encore for Hiroshima as well. It made me think how it would go for the dome, and if there is a slim chance the dome would have a bigger surprise in store. Unlike White which had the exclusive preview of their then-to-be-released Chumu Chumu single, Quartetto doesn't have a single announcement (yet) that would increase the chances of a double encore. Still, them filming the final arena show gives me hope that perhaps, they will do things differently in the dome (kind of like Arashi's Dome vs Kokuritsu for the Scene tour). I know I shouldn't expect, but I want to believe! We'll see how it goes next week! :D
I went to both Fukuoka concerts with my friend Shannon (h0bbitx3) who dressed up as Sailormoon. It was a bit funny going with her and getting a kick out of surprised exclamations from people on the street and having fangirls run up to us asking for pictures. We were able to get really good stand seats for the first day, and for the second day we were only one row below the aisle where NEWS were to go up to the higher stands during the last few songs of the live.
There were a lot of things that differentiated Quartetto from the previous tour, White, and I had to admit that these differences threw me off guard and made me decide that for now, White is still the better live. For one, some of the album songs were cut short (meaning, not having the second stanzas sung and going directly to the bridge), some of the songs in the set list had different arrangements (which was really interesting for me, seeing that this live had more of this inclination towards music and sounds in general), and the biggest letdown of all perhaps, not having a double encore. (My personal letdown is STILL not being able to hear Top of the World and Hello live, so.... well NEWS, sorry to say but I will keep on hoping in the lives to come, haha.)
So anyway, on to the set list! Please take note that I am fusing the reports for both days, and if there are moments that happened on a specific day, I'll mention it. Please don't take everything as 100% sure, my memory is just that bad.
( [2016.04.29-30] Marine Messe Fukuoka, 17:00 )
Unfortunately there was no double encore. I heard from friends that so far there hasn't been a double encore. I wonder why? Hmmm....
It was a really fun start to my Golden Week and I've never attended concerts two days in a row so it was quite an experience as well! I'm going to Hiroshima's concert in 25 days, so I hope I can remember more stuff and pay more attention this time. :D
I'm Ces, formerly sakura_041888 , and this is my new journal. I'm mainly a lurker in the communities I frequent in, so I'm really sorry if I don't bring forth downloads or anything for your pleasure. D:
As of October 17, 2011, this blog will be half-public, half-private. Posts done in public will be punctuated with the Japanese word ミツル ("mitsuru") and will mostly consist of my essays and concert reports. Posts done in private will be marked with ヒミツ ("himitsu" = secret) and will mostly consist of RL and private stuff.
Please do leave a comment if you want to be friends - don't worry I don't bite. :)
Double Art mood icons: Komi Naoshi (original manga work), himitsuru
Katekyo Hitman Reborn mood icons: Akira Amano (original manga work), nanabbang
Anyway, I'm back in Japan and I feel like I can finally start the year right! But of course a little review of 2015 is in order before I can truly look forward to what this year has to offer to me. 2015 had been a year full of surprises and I wouldn't have it in any other way.
- Work had been really good. Sure, there was a few rollercoaster rides and a few bouts of discouragement and depression, but overall I feel I have improved and now I'm more confident with the way I deliver my lessons. A lot of new colleagues have made their way into the team and I'm happy to say that most of them have become really good friends, to the point of making me wish I live in Hiroshima. I have also been given a leadership role of some sort and while I feel awkward with the responsibility, I feel honored to have been given a task to accomplish. Everything has been enjoyable and I feel like I can still stay in the job for another year or so.
- There was a lot of travel opportunities! This year alone I was able to go to Tokyo, Fukuoka, Osaka and Hyogo. Most of these was because of concerts, but the other half was because of my friend who had travelled all the way from Korea to spend her summer vacation / Obon with me. I can only wish it wasn't as expensive for foreign residents (still wishing I could just travel all over Japan via the Shinkansen), but for now this is enough. I never thought that travelling can be so much fun and exciting! I never travelled as extensively in the Philippines simply because the transportation system isn't as friendly and it mostly requires me to go around asking people (or even try to bargain for lower prices...).
- And speaking of fandom - I was finally able to go see NEWS and Arashi for the first time! NEWS simply overwhelmed me in their Fukuoka, Hiroshima and Tokyo concerts for the White Tour and I couldn't have it any better. I only got to see Arashi once in the Fukuoka leg of the Japonism Tour, and while it was only once, I had gotten an arena seat and I was able to watch the concert along with a NEWS friend. The fandom is really a wonderful place as I had gotten to meet so many friends and fans for the first time, and some of them were really kind enough to give me gifts and even give me a lift back home. I haven't been happy with the damage to my wallet, but after everything else, I can only grin, shrug and say "Who cares, I am happy!".
- I guess I have been too preoccupied with happiness that I found myself not visiting any clinics and hospitals for the past five months or so. Maybe it's because of the vitamins I had received from family? Or being happy for the latter half of the year? Or.... something else? Hahahaha. That last bit I will prefer to keep a secret until a certain time, I guess.
Recently, I had made up my mind to transfer to Hiroshima, and while the date hasn't been definite yet, I am prepping myself for the new environment I will be having, both in terms of work and residence. I am going to miss my quiet life in Tokuyama for sure, but I have felt that I needed to grow in terms of work performance and language progress. I have grown too accustomed to my schools (especially Tokuyama and Hikari), and I had NOT been able to touch nor opened a Japanese language book since I moved here. Sure, I had the language app and phone dictionaries to help me out, but I had not taken any step in formal Japanese language learning. Moving to Hiroshima might force me to finally take that step to avenging my failure in the last N4 JLPT exam.
And savings..... ummm, maybe that had been my biggest failure in 2015. I was only able to do short-term saving, only to blow it all off on my fandom hobbies / family matters / credit card dues / health issues. I hope to be able to save more this year, but seeing the extravagant idiot as I am, I don't think I will make any progress...... (I seriously think I need help in this area, haha).
That's it for now, and we'll see if I can finally manage to achieve these goals in 2016. I am going to try my best, certainly! With work and fandom, I am going to make my second/third year in Japan even more adventurous, crazy and fun. :)
P.S. Been addicted to Jojo's Bizarre Adventure lately (especially with Stardust Crusaders) - finished the entire anime franchise entirely in December. Now looking forward to the fourth arc in April. Shige, I finally understand why you like this series, lol.
So yes, anyway, I made it to Tokyo! Booked accommodations and flights as early as January and April respectively, but in terms of travel and sightseeing plans, I never had any concrete thoughts. It was more like, "As long as I get to visit A and B and C and D, I don't care about my schedule or how to get there." The result was me panicking a week before the trip. I had printed out Tokyo's subway map but a friend told me that was still not enough to cover ALL of the lines and trains so I ended up all the more stressed, haha.
But let's skip my small Tokyo adventure (which involves clinics, hospitals, skyscrapers and One Piece madness) and go straight to what this post is supposed to be about - my first NEWS con in Tokyo Dome! Truth be told I was a bit nervous with the transport going there, mostly because I didn't know what station I would be coming from (no thank you, my inconsistent and ever-changing plans). Good thing there was Hyperdia to help. Ahh, the ever trusty Hyperdia.
Anyway, on Sunday morning I decided to wake up real early so that I could have time to go to Tokyo Tower, which I didn't manage to visit the day before. And it was a good decision, because I finished sometime around noon and I didn't want to leave. (Belle actually tweeted me "*waves NEWS ticket at you*" in reply to my "GUYS I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE TOKYO TOWER" tweet.) I rushed to Shibuya, took the obligatory Hachiko and Shibuya Scramble pictures, and dashed off in the direction of Tokyo Dome.
( [2015.06.14] Tokyo Dome, 18:00 )
From Jweb, we found out that Maruyama (from Kanjani8), Nakamaru (from KAT-TUN), and Sho (from Arashi) went to the concert, but I couldn't be really sure if they went for the Saturday or the Sunday cons. Sho's words especially touched me!
Pretty sure I have missed a great chunk of stuff but for now, some sleep! I'll add more (and cheesy stuff) when I remember them. Or better yet, please wait for the DVD. LMAO. I can't wait for the next live!
Well, fate decided to shove a bit of crap into my face days before the Hiroshima cons.
Monday before the Hiroshima cons started, FC decided to open performance seats. I assumed it was either because the venue was not sold out, or the layout allowed space for more seats. Either way, I was determined to try again. It was a stressful week with parents' observations and the waiting - and just when I was relieved from P.O.s, I got the bad news that once again I had failed the ballot for the first Hiroshima concert. (come on, Johnny-sama. I am about ready to offer you my liver here...) So anyway I had to wait through the entire Saturday so that I could finally come to the Sunday concert.
Sunday came, and due to my excitement I gave an "fck you" to the local train (which would have been just 3000+ yen roundtrip but would take me two hours) and took the Shinkansen to Hiroshima instead (twice the local train fare but only 30 minutes transit). I had gone to Hiroshima many times but I don't think I had arrived at Hiroshima station with so much giddiness before. I had always been there for work, and each and every time I had arrived at the station with apprehension, nervousness and dread. But now - I was almost flying through the ticket gates, I wouldn't have been surprised if I had sprouted wings right on the spot.
As I was a bit early for my meet-up with Hazel, I dropped by Hondori and got myself a Korosensei plushie. I had to admit I wanted to use it as a means to call attention to myself but I was a bit afraid of the consequences so I didn't push through. I then went back to the arena, got into the goods line with Hazel, and after getting the goods, we went back to Hondori again to eat lunch and meet my other friend, Ren, so that I could give her my extra Debikuro-kun book. After a bit of adventure at Book Off, we separated and proceeded back to the venue.
And well, of course, I had to take the chance to get a souvenir picture of the venue, which I wasn't able to do in Fukuoka.
We entered the venue together and separated to go to our gates - Hazel to Gate B, and I to Gate E. The moment I got inside I knew it would be different from Fukuoka.
( [2015.06.07] Hiroshima Green Arena, 16:30 )
At the end of the concert, I saw Shonae down on the arena and waved to her, before exiting and looking for Hazel. Hazel and I hung around a bit trying to look for one of our friends who had dressed up as Sailormoon, but she had already gone as she had to run to catch the Shinkansen back to Kyushu. So we asked for a couple of pictures with the Massu-look-a-likes, and then walked back to Hondori to search for ginger tea and stroll around the streets, eating matsuri food. :D
As Yamaguchi is nearer to Hiroshima, I was able to catch a Shinkansen before the last train, basking in happiness the entire time. Life is really good. I can't wait for Tokyo all last next week!
So I will warn you : there were a lot of factors that hindered me from remembering the minute details (which all boils down to physical fatigue and lots and LOTS of crying), so this is just a poor attempt at a concert report, so don't expect too much. ^^ I'll mostly write about the songs that stuck with me first, and then the random forgotten-where-in-the-sequence moments.
( [2015.05.24] Marine Messe Fukuoka, 17:00 )
I sped back to Yamaguchi on the Shinkansen and found an undelivered notice on my door for my Tokyo Dome ticket, and forgetting about the pain I biked my way to the post office and retrieved the ticket. My seat, my friends say, is a decent seat, so yeah, life is good! Can't wait to see them again in Hiroshima and Tokyo! :D
A few minutes more to go and we officially welcome 2015 - well, over here in GMT +9, that is. It's obviously a cliche to write a New Year's post to somehow recollect on what has happened this year, except that for this entry I choose to make it public instead of having to hide it away from malicious scrutiny.
When I wrote these entries at the start of 2013 and 2014, I wasn't expecting a multitude of blessings. I simply wanted to be free of negative people, negative environment, and health ailments. I clearly remember complaining about wanting to finish my thesis on time and opportunities to go work abroad, but I never expected that this year those complaints would bear positive fruit. All of my hopes have always been formless thoughts, and at the back of my mind, I had always put myself down by saying that these hopes would not come true. I guess the universe was simply fed up with my pessimism and slapped me with a bunch of positive turns in order to prove me wrong. God is really good.
So yeah, to sum up what 2014 has been, these had been the highlights.
- I passed JLPT N5! It's not that big of an achievement compared to my other friends who had already passed the higher levels, but this has been something that I had wanted to achieve ever since I started studying Japanese on my own ten years ago. It was such a hard decision to stop my formal Japanese education due to financial concerns, but I guess it was all for the best, as shown in later months.
- After five years, I finally finished graduate school and got a degree in Applied Linguistics. Sure, graduate school was fun and all that, but coupled with tensions at work and souring relationships, it had gradually begun to turn into a prison I wanted to break free of. I also realized that I had overestimated myself and I had given myself an academic burden I could not fully commit to. I have to admit that I still don't know just how much I love academics and how much of it I am going to embrace (in terms of emotional and intellectual growth), but for now I am contented to say I have overcome a major milestone.
- I found work in Japan. This has to be my greatest achievement - not only for this year, but for my entire life. Since I took an interest in Japanese language in high school, I have always wondered if I would be able to experience Japanese life and culture up close and personal. If other people's dreams have consisted of a stable work, a family, a house and a car, mine was just to find myself as an independent entity in a country whose culture I have always been interested in immersing. It may be shallow, selfish and immature, yes, but these are my honest thoughts, I guess: to be able to put the language I've been studying to practice, to experience these people's way of life, to be able to reach the people who have made this dream possible, to be able to express my gratitude to them for having given me meaning no one else had.
- My empty passport finally has served its purpose. Not only was I able to step on Japanese soil, but I was also able to travel and cross over to South Korea. I am still far from the ideal image of what a traveler is supposed to be (I am not into extensive backpacking due to my health issues), but for now I am content to say I have gone somewhere.
The only thing I am not happy with are my health issues - it seemed that I had gotten worse, but as to whether these changes were the culprit, I cannot fully say. Right now I'm dealing with a VERY bad back coupled with some recurrent headaches and stomachaches, and they have been the cause of my stress. I admit that I have been very afraid these past few weeks with these sudden changes, and while everyone is saying Japan is a great country in terms of medicine, their hospitals' and clinics' operating hours and insurance policies are driving me crazy.
But no matter, this year had been filled with a lot of great things for me just when I least expected it. I guess it is safe to say that this has been the best year for me so far. I still have a lot of things I want to accomplish - like travelling to Tokyo, attending a NEWS concert (too bad with Arashi's this year), and saving A LOT for future projects. I can only wish medical appointments would stop sapping the hell out of my finances.
Anyway, I sincerely hope that everything will get even better for everyone in 2015! あけましておめでとうございます！^^
As a part of a personal drive to help my friends, I am knocking on your hearts for Christmas. I am not talented or anything, and all I can offer you is a Christmas card and a letter for snail mail (coz I'm weird like that, and I saw a similar request on fandomaid). If it's okay, you can comment with your request, and send a donation either to Philippine Red Cross or to my Paypal (email@example.com). If you have other means too, just let me know! Rest assured that if you send to my Paypal, I will let you know how the money will be spent / distributed to my friends. If you donate to Red Cross, please provide me a screenshot of your donation so that I will know you did. I'd personally prefer you donate to Red Cross, as it would be better. Any amount will do! :)
I hope you won't make me breathe fire or anything >< Comments are screened!
Thanks ever so much :)
I wish it was that possible to be positive without having to compare yourself with the rest of the people around you.
I wish it was possible to just care about nothing in the world.
I wish it was possible to just worry about nothing and just do whatever you like to do - as long as you do not break people's hearts and dreams.
If only it was possible.
This is my limit. Why can't people see that?
( The year that was, and the year I want to have. )
To this day, I may have remained frustrated by my incapacity and inability in various ways, but I shall try my best to overcome these and answer the questions that have been bugging me for the past few months. I'm sure that with all of your help, I can fully come to accept myself - my limitations and my capabilities. I am sincerely grateful to everyone who has helped me in some way to face every day with renewed confidence and gratitude (you know who you are). Happy New Year everyone! Onwards, 2013!
Shige, why do you do this to me ;_____;
( It's amazing how hate memes can make you realize what you really feel, what you really want to do, and what you were born in this world to do. )
For a final say, if you ask me what I really want to do a study on, I would have to say I'll do Japanese-English translation studies on translators in the fandom. I DON'T CARE IF IT'S NOT ORAL DISCOURSE LIKE "YOU" WANTED AND NOT SOMETHING "RELEVANT" AS YOU SEE IT. I want to do translation studies, be it in jpop or animanga fandom. And as far as I know, no one had attempted that. Let that be my niche.
It has only been less than a week that I've made a journal over here at Dreamwidth, and now I've gotten a paid journal valid for one month.
I must have done something good to you, dear anon, because I do know at the very least that I'm not worthy! But I sincerely thank you, really - you've given me one more reason to think why Dreamwidth has a lot of awesome users. Really, thank you! :)
I wish that I'll get to know whoever you are. I think you'd make a great friend. I'd want to meet you on LJ as well if ever you're there as well. Again, thank you! ^^